Me: Besides, i believe in reincarnation
right up until i think about the end of the planet
then i start wondering where we go THEN
and then my head explodes
Her: but does existence hedge on the existence of this particular planet?
Me: i guess not
OMG
WE BECOME ALIENS!
Today my friend ST told me that she put her credit card in a mug of water in the freezer last night so it would be for emergencies only. She found herself at the office today…in need of her credit card. Congratulations, ST. You’re a ridiculous person.
I’m a 31-year-old woman who has never before today bought her own plane ticket. Actually, I did buy one once, but someone was in the room to help me through the process. Today? “WHY IS IT NOT SHOWING ME THE TIMES FOR THE RETURN FLIGHTS?!” Pause. Click. “Oh.”
Once while discussing the fact that I was effing tired of getting my poodle groomed, I asked a friend, “How do poodles LIVE IN THE WILD?!” To my credit, I realized my mistake immediately after I’d said it.
My boss and coworkers seem to like me, but sometimes I think this is all just an act and there’s an office-wide plot to get rid of me. Paranoia runs in my family.
Two words: dirty sanchez.
The other day at work, I spent 7 hours trying to reconcile two different sums of money on a spreadsheet, coming up with different numbers, crying and almost quitting. Then I realized those numbers weren’t meant to match up in the first place.
When I was in high school, I always watched The Week in Rock. I had a thing for Kurt Loder. The sarcastic, dry delivery! The fact that he’d written for Rolling Stone! Plus, he was totally hot! That part wasn’t a joke! Come to find out he’s also quite the libertarian, which pretty much means he’s my dream man. When I was in college, a friend called up with an extra ticket to Rockfest. If you don’t know what that was, Google it. I could’ve cared less about Matchbox 20 or Paula Cole, but I knew MTV was going to be right in the middle of all of it. Kurt Loder was going to be there! I made a t-shirt that said “I heart KURT LODER!” on the front, hoping it would help him pick me out of the crowd and marry me.
I seriously subjected myself to Matchbox 20 and Paula Cole just for the chance to marry Kurt Loder.
